

�As much as I�loved and have ever loved Brandon, I realized that I was irrevocably and without a doubt in love, in passion, and lost in Damien. He was wrong for me in many ways. Not just because he was Brandonapos;s cousin. Not only because he was only 10 times better looking than me, and I�looked like a troll next to him... He was wrong for me because of all the same reasons he was wrong for every other girl in his life that Iapos;d seen him discard in the last 4 years I had known him. He was incapable of commitment. He was incapable of staying in one place for very long. He was so lost in himself that he couldnapos;t see what was right in front of him. He was running scared from himself.�
I understood this better than he even did. I got him. I was the closest person to him in his life, but I was still just another girl. I loved him for who he truly was, but I had serious doubts that he really understood who I was. All the long nights and secrets we shared, we never talked about what we were to each other. It was always just understood. We were friends. We were best friends. Platonic to an almost painful degree. All of that had changed in a matter of seconds.�
We didnapos;t go any further. We both fell asleep back to back in the bed and woke-up as the sun came up. We probably slept for 2 hours. I could hear Brandon still snoring from the other room. Damien rolled over and looked at me smiled. "Hi," he said quietly. "Hi," I whispered.
"We should talk later," he said.
"Yeah," I�sighed.�
"Are you ok?" he asked with a concerned look on his face.
"Yeah, Iapos;m fine. Just...I donapos;t know. It doesnapos;t feel weird yet. Maybe because I just woke-up." I smiled at him.
He smiled back. We were quiet for a minute, then he said, "I�have something to tell you." He paused for a long time. "Iapos;ve thought about this since you broke-up with Nikolai. There was no way I�was going to do anything, but I�thought about it. What I�mean is...well...havenapos;t you ever wondered why Iapos;ve never had a girlfriend since we met?"
We were still laying on our sides, facing each other. I shrugged one shoulder, "Youapos;re a slut?" I smiled.
He smiled back. "I guess you would be the best judge of that. You know everything about me. Inside and out. Good and bad. You literally know everything about me. " He said the last sentence as if he was telling himself.�
Then we heard a loud cough come from the other room. Brandon was waking-up. I felt slightly annoyed, and then guilty about being annoyed. My heart was still sad for what I�had done to him. I sat up and said, "We better take care of him. He must have the worldapos;s worse hangover."
We spent the morning lounging around trying to get up the energy to go get breakfast, get ready for the day.... Basically recovering. I wanted to finish off that conversation with Damien, but after Brandon awoke there was no right time. I was also fearful about where he was going with the conversation. I�knew he would have to take Brandon home at some point and then he would head back to his own school. Damien has lost 2 years worth of college when he was traveling and modeling and even though he was 3 years older than me, we would be finishing college at the same time. The UC system had a habit of overcrowding and sometimes people took longer than 4 years to graduate.�
They didnapos;t get ready to go until toward the evening. I found myself standing in my closet again. I�needed a moment alone to collect myself to prepare for them leaving. I�really loved those boys. I always felt complete when they were around. I always felt happy when they were with me. I always felt sad when they left me. It had been a long while since were together like this, and I didnapos;t know if we were ever going to do this again.�
Just then the closet door opened and Damien was standing there again.
"What are you doing?"
birthday vanas, birthday usmc, birthday unhappy, birthday undies.


